Tonight we stand on the cusp. Thursday morning Heatwave finally announces one of the (several) projects we’ve been undertaking over the last year-and-half and I’m not quite sure how I feel about it. While I’ve been dying to talk about some of the amazing things we are doing, at the same time, there’s a certain quiet comfort in staying below radar. Until you actually declare your intent, it feels like everything is possible. That all ends tonight. The course will be set tomorrow. So, I thought perhaps I should do the rare thing and actually talk about some of the things that have lead up to this moment. Rather than rambling, I think I’ll structure it like one of those silly quizzes you always see your friends taking on social networking sites when they should be working…
Top 5 things I was wrong about starting up a company:
1) It was way harder than I thought it would be. Now, this isn’t my first startup, but it is the first one where everything was at stake. I left a job that I enjoyed and moved my family of six (wife, 3 kids and father-in-law) back from England to the great state of Texas. Even so, it was much harder than I thought it would be. Now, I don’t mean hard as in “takes lots of effort,” I mean it as in “trying of one’s character.” I don’t have any problem putting in the late nights. Hell, I generally spend Sunday waiting for Monday morning to come around. But there’ve been some pretty tough times. Partners you can’t control… an economy behaving like a punch drunk prize fighter trying to lift himself off the mat in the 12th round… downsizing. I’ve had to part ways with some of my best friends as a result of starting this company. Everyone involved knew that could happen, but when it does…hoo boy. That’s probably been the hardest part. Letting go and trusting others has been perhaps the second most difficult.
2) Not all venture capitalists are “evil!” Yes, this may come across to some as a bit of ass kissing, but it’s not. I’ve met with dozens of VC’s over the last year, and before we were funded I certainly met some I was wary of, but I have to tell you that our VC has been extremely supportive. Tough? Yes. Involved? Absolutely. But evil? Nope. They want Heatwave to win almost as much as I do. That’s a whole lot desire. My experience with Syncom has been both uplifting and humbling. They’re not afraid to tell it like it is, but they usually do it in a way that leaves me emboldened. I look forward to exceeding their expectations. I wish more entrepreneurs could find a partner as committed as ours.
3) Hiring in Austin will be a breeze! Yeah, not as breezy as I had hoped. First, the quality of life at the major studios in Austin has really improved, and there are more Studios (welcome back, EA) than when we made the decision to come, so there’s more competition. Second, because we had some specific needs beyond just “online,” we had to hire quite a few folks from out of state. Austin is still a great hiring market, but competition and specialization conspired to make it harder than I thought it would be. Luckily, people like to COME to Austin 
.
4) Capacity of work. I’ll admit it. We tried to do too much with too few resources. As a result, the results were mixed six months post funding. Great team, great work product, but not enough focused progress to meet our original expectations. As a result, we had to do a course correction that was a little painful. Now the focus is back and if you’re reading this you should be seeing that labor beginning to bear fruit in the national press. As they say, “No battle plan survives first shot fired.” The key is to amend that plan as the battle develops and to have the leadership and training to execute new instructions.
5) I thought I would miss the corporate environment. I really don’t. Yes, there was something comforting about the EA machine backing my project’s plans, but I guess after two and half years of being independent I’ve realized that I prefer the independence over security. There’s something bracing about being somewhat exposed. It keeps you alert and hungry. I like it.
Top 5 things I was right about starting up a company:
1) I can do it. Damned straight.
2) You can’t change people. I really believe that people only really change when something dramatic happens in their life. And by change, I mean fundamentally transition from one state to another over a short time. This comes up a lot in the hiring process. If you hear someone make the comment “well maybe they can grow into that” or “maybe we can help them change” you’re probably wrong. Don’t hire that person if the perceived need for change is important. I usually followed this advice, but not always and when I didn’t, I paid for it 100% of the time. See my earlier post about being “in a rut vs. in the groove.”
3) Hard work does pay off. Success really is about setting the right goals and just working towards them as intellegently and aggressively as possible.
4) “Presence” is extremely important. My partner, Donn, is based out of Philly, but the studio is in Austin. His consistent travel to Austin and constant use of telepresence makes all the difference for him and for us. When he goes longer than 3 weeks outside of Austin, it’s noticeable. Same for me. Anyone following my facebook page knows how much I travelled in the spring. Being away from Central Studio for several weeks at a time was very challenging. It was nice being missed, but it wasn’t nice having to be missed. Luckily those business trips were worth it.
5) I am doing things I never thought I would. When I made the personal decision to start Heatwave, I realized I was going to have the opportunity to do things I had never even considered before. When my father mentions how amazed he is by some of the things I’m doing, it really comes home. Not that he never thought I could do these things, but that who would have thought it? Thursday, July 30th will be one of those things. And it’s only the beginning.
I’m sure I’ll be wrong about some things over the next two-and-a-half years, but hopefully my batting average will keep going up .
One last thing…neither right nor wrong because I wasn’t sure what the outcome would be: I’m grateful that Heatwave has strengthed my marriage rather than weakened it. My wife has been wonderfully supportive and active and even though we work hard and see our children less than I’d like, I was working hard and not seeing my family enough when I wasn’t working for myself. Ultimately, this is really for them as much as it is for me.
Thanks, Kim.
Zzz
Y’know, I’ve always been a late night person, even since childhood when I used to sneak a flashlight under the covers to read books after my parents put me to bed (eventually I moved to the closet so they wouldn’t see the light under my door). But as an adult, I’ve also been a bit of a morning person. I don’t mind getting up early, actually I enjoy being up before or at sunrise. However, until a few years ago, I never had a reason to get up early in the morning. In the game/tech industries, it was always pretty acceptable to get to work around 10am and work until 7 or 8PM. But…things have changed.
Over the last four years or so, I’ve really been challenged to get enough sleep. There have been long stretches, up to three months, where I’ve averaged 5 hour less hours of sleep per night. I know that’s not healthy, but I think I’ve been so driven these last few years that sleep has taken the backseat to living.
I suppose it started back when I was getting Heatwave up and running. There was a stretch there at the end, right before Christmas, where I would work my job from 9am-6pm and then go home, have dinner, put the kids to bed and then work from about 9pm-2am on getting Heatwave up and running. I did that for a good 3 months until Christmas break and I distinctly remember after sleeping in for a few days in a row, waking up the day after Christmas and thinking…”Oh, THIS is what it’s like to be awake!”
I’m not quite pushing that hard anymore, but I do tend to go to sleep during the week at about 1:30 in the morning and I get up every day by 6:45. I figure I average 5.5 hours of sleep during the work week and about 8 on the weekend. So the question is…why? Well…honestly, I love what I do. I can’t stop thinking about it. I get up everyday thinking about all the things that should get done and what can I accomplish and how I’m going to address this issue or that concern. Am I going to nail the big deal? How am I going to resolve this employee issue? I lie in bed at night thinking the same thoughts. I think I’m just charged up by the challenge. I love making things work. I love setting ridiculously high goals and then scrabbling my way up there, pulling my team members up with me and looking around for a higher peak. I didn’t know I was really like this, but the more I do it the more I enjoy it. Even failure fuels the fire. It just irritates me and makes me try harder. What, that didn’t work? Okay, let’s try it another way.
Does anyone else hop out of bed excited to go to work? I mean, I’ve always enjoyed my jobs in the game industry and looked forward to work (well except for part of my stint on SWG), but I wonder, is there anyone else out there that sleeps so little because they can’t stop thinking about work? Or am I the only one awake all the time?
Hmm…maybe I’ll get to bed early tonight for a change. Right.
I meant to comment on this BET Article earlier, but life has conspired against me. Well, given recent events, it seems like perhaps it’s past due.
Couple of things to discuss on this subject. First, how to untangle the meaning of the word “black” as it refers to someone like myself. Second, what is the significance of being a black professional in the game industry. Finally, what is the impact of our racial heritage on the games we make?
So, am I black? Seems like a strange question, I know. If it were 250 years ago, I’d probably be a slave. Part of my African background includes former slaves, another part includes free creole Africans. Of course, if you look at me, you may or may not recognize that part of my heritage. If you saw my mother, you’d think you were looking at the wrong person, because far beyond the external traits of her brothers and parents, her external appearance is that of a white person. But she’s not. She’s black. Her grandfather built the first brick house in Pine Bluff, Arkansas. Her father was a dentist and a civil rights activist. My mother went to an all black segregated school. My mother and father couldn’t get married in her home state because interracial marriages were illegal in Arkansas. I can relate many other stories that illustrate the nature of her heritage, but let me just finish this point with this note, you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.
My Mother (yes, she's black!)
Yet, to be black in America isn’t just how obviously one looks black, it’s a multitude of factors, but largely divided between how one self-identifies and also how others perceive you. Sure, there are the obvious factors. For example, I just attended the funeral for my Great Uncle James Elvis Guinn, grandson of a former slave and the first black surgeon in Fort Worth Texas. So, yes, I identify with the black community. Yes yes, I listen to hip-hop, R&B and jazz. And yes I can dance. The same can be said for most of the kids I met in Korea. So enjoying the culture that has it’s roots in black culture certainly doesn’t make one a black person.
Chaka or "me" as seen by my boy scout troop
Another important part of figuring out whether I’m black (or how black I am? ) has to do with the way other people perceive me. For example, did I suffer from racism? Absolutely. Let me share a couple of stories, just to illustrate. I got in LOTS of fights in boy scouts. Why? Because some of the older kids in the troop decided to nick name me “chaka.” Don’t remember who “Chaka” is? See the image from “Land of the Lost” to the left. Now, to be fair, Chaka WAS lighter colored than the other furry ape people. Somehow, I didn’t find much consolation in that.
When I was 16, an older kid threw a watermellon through the window in our garage with the “N” word carved in it. Not the brightest guy, he and his accomplice (someone I thought was my friend) were caught by the police as they ran back to the car. Imagine their confusion when they were brought to our front door and my mom answered it. I distinctly remember the sputtering, “B-b-but y-your not black!?”
Ah, teenagers.
Finally, and perhaps the best illustration about how confusing this subject can be for all of us, let me relate an exchange I once had between a police officer and myself. He had stopped my friend for a broken headlight (this is a longer story, ask me about it later), and my friend’s drivers license was expired. So he wanted to check mine and have me drive. He took out his flashlight to examine my license. Then he shined it in my face (it was after 1AM). “Son,” he began in typical Texas trooper fashion, “What nationality are you?” My mind froze. Really? Is he really asking what nationality I am? Or is he trying to ask me that OTHER question? And why would he want to know that? Hmmm…maybe I should just play this one straight.
“American.” I responded directly.
“No,” he said, this time more slowly and with emphasis, “What nationality are you?”
Uh-oh, I thought. Can I play dumb or should I point out the inaccuracy of this question? “Umm…Texan?” I responded quizzically. I mean, we practically are a “Whole nuther country” in these parts.
He frowned at me. “Just answer the question son, what nationalilty are you?”
I couldn’t help it. As politely as I could, I respond. “Sir, I don’t think you’re asking me the right question. I’m not from Israel or something. I’m an American citizen.” Then I waited to find out if I was going to jail.
“Aw hell, never mind,” he grumped and headed back to run my license. The rest of this story can only be told in person.
So, yeah, I’ve dealt with plenty of racism. And racism from people who don’t think I’m black ENOUGH. And people who think Italian people aren’t white. That was a new one for me.
You see, my father’s not black, he’s Italian/Sicilian. I’m not all black. And I certainly identify with Italian culture, particularly the cooking! My Italian language skills are poor, but I blame that on my Poppa 
. Sorry Poppa-poppa.
I married a white beautiful white woman. But check this out, I didn’t KNOW she was white when I met her. Hell if it wasn’t for the Internet, I never would have met her, much less dated her. Not because she was white but because she was taller than I am. Not something that I usually considered . We met on IRC in 1993! Anyway, that’s another interesting story about identity and bias.
Me and Doug
Am I black? Am I white? The real answer? All of the above. I’m as black as Obama is. I’m as white as Obama is. Yes I’m black, but I’m also an American with a rich multiculture heritage that allows me to appreciate the success and struggles of all kinds of people. I understand bias, discrimination. I also greatly appreciate that I have been able to grow up experiencing the generosity and lack of discrimination or hate in the hearts of most Americans. Sure, there were a few bad apples along the way. But there were also the vast majority of people that I’ve known that don’t have the least inclination to be racist. I went to Plano Senior High School, at the time one of the whitest, wealthiest public high schools in the country. I was accepted there. My one black friend was accepted there. Not as a matter of concious approval, just as a state of being.
What does it mean to be a black game developer? Well, for one thing, it’s a pretty unique experience. I’ve worked at Origin, EA, Sony Online, and Codemasters, and of the hundreds of people I’ve worked with, I can count the number of black game developers I’ve gotten to work directly with on one hand. I think it’s 3. Indirectly? maybe 5 (counting QA and IT people). Why is that weird? Well, blacks are over-represented as consumers, so why are they under-representedas developers? I can tell you one thing. It’s not because of discrimination within game companies. Even more problematic than the gender concern, I get almost zero applicants from the African-American and Latin-American communities. I can’t put my finger on why, but I’m certainly aware of it, and as with all communities, I continue to communicate what a great industry it is for anyone to get into. This is something I’ll continue to work on, because I honestly don’t care if you’re black, white, hispanic, asian or what, but when there’s a disconnect as obvious as this one, it’s worth figuring out.
So, what does it mean in terms of what Heatwave will produce? Well, anyone who knows much about Heatwave Interactive knows that my partner is “Black.” Well, guess what, it’s not that simple. Like me, Donn is of mixed heritage. We’re both of african and Italian/Scilian decent! How about that as a coincidence? Guess what’s even more interesting? I didn’t even know that about him until we had been talking about starting Heatwave for 3 months! We had been introduced via email by our common (white) associates, and we’d been talking on the phone while I was in England and he was in Philly. So while it wasn’t inherent to our working together, it was a very interesting coincidence to discover.
So, what’s the real impact? Well, guess what, Donn and I aren’t making the games by ourselves. The reality is that our influence will be most noted in the teams that we put together and broadly felt by the topics we choose to address (more on that soon, I hope!). I believe the result will be mainstream, broadly appealing products that reflect our rich American heritage. Fundamentally, I think we have an appreciation for other points of view, and other cultures, and I’m truly excited to see how our backgrounds contribute to games with less typical stereotypes and more intelligent and thoughtful characterization and storyline. I’m up for the challenge. Are you?
I find the two phrases “In the Groove” and “In a Rut” to be particularly interesting because they reflect the dual nature of the human trait “habit.” Although they both have the connotation of being in a furrow or track that creates a path of least resistance, one is a positive condition and the other is not.
I’m too lazy to do the research right now, but I assume that these two phrases have very different origins. The concept of being “stuck in a rut” is pretty obvious. Anyone who has driven down a dirt road (or a muddy one) knows that once your wheels get into the tracks laid by those before you, it can be difficult (and bumpy!) to get out. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is to stay in those tracks. Of course, it’s easy to get stuck in one that is too deep.
I also think it’s safe to speculate that being “In the Groove” is related to that sense of focus one gets while working and listening to music (sometimes referred to as “flow”), the groove referring to the grooves in a vinyl LP.
Anyway, they both point to the tendency for people to get into repetitious cycles, whether considered positive or negative. This function of repetition is one of the basic forces of life, it’s how we learn to do most physical skills, such as walking, or throwing a ball. We make new neural pathways and then reinforce them until they become “grooves” or “ruts” from our brains to our bodies. Habits offer a similar experience. If you get used to doing the same thing, the same way, at the same time, eventually you form a groove or a rut that can be described as a habit. Again, habits can be considered good or bad.
The thing about grooves and ruts is, to get OUT of one usually takes a jarring experience. I frequently consider aspects of my life as a path in a rut or groove (depending on whether I’m happy with that aspect). This is a metaphor I’ve created for myself that helps me deal with creating CHANGE. Sometimes you just need to throw a tree across the path, so you’re forced to dig out of a rut and lay down new tracks. I’ve witnessed this kind of change happen to people out of their control many times, whether it be a brush with death or some other significant negative affect, but the problem is, most people know they need to get out of a rut long before they’re forced to. Recognizing this fact has been a powerful tool for me. It enables me to be pre-emptive and to take action to get out of a rut.
Of course, once you get around the obstacle, it can be pretty easy to just fall back into the rut. Making your own groove certainly isn’t the path of least resistance. So while throwing that tree across the tracks is a great first step, you’ve got to be prepared to commit to cutting a new path for yourself, and that takes planning and careful reinforcement.
For me, a good example of this is my eating habits and my weight. I’ve gained an inordinate amount of weight over the last five years, and while at any given time I could tell you what I’m doing wrong or what I could do to change it, I never threw an obstacle in the way to help force myself out of the rut. This year, I used the winter break as my tree across the tracks, but unbeknownst to me, my Wife Kimberly bought me a cool little gadget called the “BodyBugg.” Now, regardless of the accuracy of this device (seems to work fine so far), the powerful and important part it plays in keeping me in the groove is that it provides really interesting feedback at a reasonable timeframe, and I can ADJUST my behavior based on that input. It tells me how many calories I’m burning (approximately) and I log how many calories I take in. It’s pretty simple subtraction. So every evening I sit down, compare my food log to my calorie burn and I can see if there’s a deficit or not. It’s like a daily little game I play where I try to create the biggest deficit possible. Interesting thing so far is, I don’t feel like I’m on a diet. Even on my worst day, I spent an extra 20 minutes on the Wii Fit at the end of the day and ended up with a 200 calorie deficit. Very cool.
“So,” you ask, “What’s this got to do with Games, Start-ups, and all that? I don’t really care about your personal eating habits.” Just this, organizations have habits too, and they can either get in ruts or get in the groove. Obviously, you want to keep it in the groove. I felt like my organization got into a little bit of a rut at the end of the year. There are lots of new people, lots of new chemistry, lots of crazy things going on (moving into new space, evaluating lots of opportunities, etc…). Yet the company was trying to apply some of the same patterns of behavior that worked when we were 1/3 of the size.
I have to admit, the effort of mobilizing the the new company wore me down a little bit, and I found myself really needing the break over the Christmas holiday. During that break, I had time to get a little clarity and to formulate a plan for how to get us back in the groove. I needed to throw a log over the tracks and help us chart a new course. The company is young and the tracks are shallow, but I’m not the kind of person to sit around and watch things happen. So I decided to be pre-emptive and make a significant adjustment to make sure we were in the groove and not in a rut. Don’t let me over state this, from a casual perspective, things were fine, but fine isn’t good enough. I’m building a world class organization and my standards are very very high.
So…I called a company meeting on the first day back and showed up to work in full Cowboy gear. Black Stetson Hat, Black duster, Black boots, Black Shirt, Jeans and a BIG Ol’ Belt Buckle that says “Cowboy up!” Sorry, no spurs, it’s an HR thing.
Anthony in Cowboy Regailia
I can’t get into all the details about what followed, but suffice it to say, I got the team’s attention and I used the theme to drive home a series of positive messages about change (and I dropped the “F-bomb” way more than was probably called for but cowboys are colorful folk don’t y’all know?).
In addition, I provided the team with short term goals that they can measure against our annual and quarterly corporate goals. Finally, I matched them up with slogans that are easily memorable and attached to the Cowboy them. Everyone in Texas is a Cowboy, right?
So far, the initial reaction has been great, and with the right amount of repetition and response, I expect we’ll stay “In the Groove” from now on in. Either that, or folks just think I’m crazy so they’ll say whatever they think I need to hear to stop shoutin’ “Yeehaw!” while hog-tying programmers in the break area.
So, next time you’re looking around at the office and thinking “man, we’re in a rut!” make sure and visit your local western wear shop. That should do the trick!
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